The thing is, they can’t be too long. These stupid stories. They can’t go on forever, otherwise people stop reading. Believing. And so I need to find a way to end it.
“I know how, Dude.”
We need to find a way to end it.
Benny says: “We off your old man, Dude.”
Trite but…
“It’s Hollywood, Dude. It’s what they want. The denouement.”
I say, “How do you know that word.”
And Benny makes the double-guns with his thumbs and forefingers and does that chack-chack noise with his mouth and tongue.
See also: Isaac the Bartender.
“We off your old man with a pillow.”
“And then what?”
“He leaves you all his shit. His homes, cars. He leaves all that to you.”
Trite but…definitely Hollywood. And there has to be a kicker, too. A set-up for a possible second part, if this does well at the box office.
Benny says: “There’s a detective who…”
Only this time I don’t follow the two conversations. Just mine. Benny’s tale spins out like a screenwriter’s paradise. Twists and turns down Sunset. Hollywood archetypes.
I’m on to the new one. The one about the two guys who work at a major troubleshooting call-in center and go around wealthy neighborhoods at night, drinking the bait beer out of people’s slug traps.
“That’s sick, Dude.”
Maybe, but those kinds are the best. I ask Benny if he thinks I’m a good guy. Overall, I mean.
“No way, Dude. You’re an asshole.”
And he’s right. But it’s how I get off.
“What kind of beer is it, Dude?”
It’s a wealthy subdivision so it’s imported stuff. So it gets you drunk quicker.
See also: Tuborg.
See also: Stella Artois.
See also: The Slug-X Trap.
“Kick ass, Dude.”
Everything is a story. For the good ones, you just charge more per word.
Alex has been awarded nothing, has never come in second, third, or even fourth, but once plagiarized a composition in 7th grade music class, from an old, Romanian folk song. Unfortunately, it was written in the wrong clef (bass instead of treble) and turned out an awful disaster. Soon after, he switched from piano to drum set, and joined a death metal band in the Washington D.C. area. Alex would love to tell you about the myriad places in which he’s lived, only he skipped out on the rent in most of them and is wanted by various landlords in various states.
Editor's note: This is the final section of a six-part series. Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 and Part 5.
Archived at http://girlswithinsurance.com/index.php/prose/flash/224-ap-0610-legend6 and shortlinked at http://frsh.in/bo
