The summer after they returned from tour the Vegetables, the punk rock band in which Mr. Potato Head sang, broke up. There are many possible reasons as to why the Vegetables may have broken up. Some were very obvious reasons, like: each time they played out live, it was likely that one of the members of the Vegetables would lose one of their pieces, and they were afraid to slowly be left void of anything which could represent who they were. Other reasons lay below the surface and would only be mentioned vaguely in rooms, where two at a time, members of the Vegetables would become high on marijuana.
Mr. Potato Head no longer had a reason to stay in the small university town where they had formed. He had graduated with a Bachelor’s degree. He couldn’t find himself a substantial job there. He had drunken too much during some of the nights when he hung out, at once feeling lonely, thinking of Mrs. Potato Head, of her various sets of blond hair, his favorite, a devilish accessory, its shade mimicked what was presented by the colors of the sand of a beach whose waves had hit against the same rock for a really long time; a dyed purple streak vertically crossed its front half. He felt lost and pointless.
He had applied to many jobs in different cities in the northeast. He had wanted to return to the area where he had been born. He was ready to take the career path through which his father, Pastor Potato Head, had begun in. His father had been working with the local community, potato heads and human, all those impoverished and held down, until he became corrupted by entering politics. His father had worked in community programs raising and directing the funds necessary for the programs to function. When Pastor Potato Head went out to his political meetings, sometimes he drank too much rum. Then Pastor Potato Head would become more honest with others regarding his opinions. He eventually ruined his own career. Pastor Father Potato Head drank more and more, unable to control the personal damnification he was causing himself. He drank more and more.
In his resume Mr. Potato Head focused on his having grown up as a potato head, not part of the dominant culture. He professed to be able to connect with those new to the country because of this shared experience, this otherness they had in common. He included a photograph of himself wearing a white collared shirt patterned with thin blue vertical lines, the Pastor Potato Head’s black suede hat, and his pair of eyes with a pair of glasses attached to them.
One day that summer he received a letter. One of the places he had sent his resume to. The letter offered him a job in a city in the northeast. They were giving him the chance to teach English to people who had recently immigrated into the country. He knew the other members of the Vegetables had different plans. None would stay together. The end of the Vegetables had come. Mr. Potato Head decided then he would move to the city in the northeast and teach English to immigrants. He was wearing his teeth and they spun in the hole that was his mouth and became an extra large smile. He had to take out his lips from his butt to control the smile occurring on him.
He wanted to celebrate so he went to the gasoline station and bought two forty ounce bottles of beer and then changed the pair of eyes he was wearing for a pair of boggled eyes, pinkish around the pupils. He walked around the small town until he found a punk show going on in a small house out by the woods. He hung out and saw the other member of the Vegetables. They were also drinking forty ounce bottles of beer.
Spud, the bassist, with his glasses on, said, “What’s going on?”
Mr. Potato Head told them about the job.
Craterface, the guitarist, with his set of red hair on said, “Awesome man, now you got something to do,” and walked off slightly sadder.
Chips, with his set of tall hair, wore his smile, said, “That’s cool.”
They all went into Craterfrace’s room. He lived at the house where the show was occurring at. They smoked weed and drank beer, this time from cans. They listened to a Lou Reed record and to a Paul McCartney record.
The next day Mr. Potato Head began to make preparations to leave the small university town. From his home, on his cell phone, he called a truck rental company and reserved a 10 by 10 foot truck. He called his landlord and told her he would be leaving soon.
He walked to the public library to search online for directions to all of the places he would be going to on his trip to move.
Some of the homeless men at the public library looked at him with hungered desire.
He went inside and went to a computer, where he typed in the information from his library card to reserve a computer to use for an hour.
One man had followed him inside. His face was tattooed; he wore boots, and a leather coat.
Mr. Potato Head had to wait eight minutes for his turn to use a computer. He could see the man who had followed him in when he looked up from the computer screen in front of him. The man licked his lips. Mr. Potato Head searched online for directions from the small town he was living in to the city where he had lived in when he was young. It was now a postindustrial city marked by large abandoned factories and warehouses. He looked for directions from there to a city with the reputation of never sleeping, where he would pick up Holiday, his friend, a potato head he had met when he worked in the Caribbean country where Mama Potato Head resided in. He looked for directions from that city to the city where he had gotten the job teaching English, which was five hours more north from where Holiday lived. He looked up and the man was still there and seemed hungrier. Mr. Potato Head got up and paced out of the public library.
He went to a big retail store to buy rolls of toilet paper to use when he was cleaning out the small portable cage his pet ferret, Popcorn, would be living in.
Mr. Potato Head had bought Popcorn for Mrs. Potato Head. Before they had separated, they had had a baby potato head by mistake. It had popped out of Mrs. Potato Head’s vagina one day. But it was broken. It was a shell with no pieces to it. She had cried a lot. Mr. Potato Head had gone into the hood and copped heroin. They had shot it up. He had then bought her a pet, a ferret, Popcorn. Now she was gone but Popcorn wasn’t.
He walked around the town looking for boxes made of cardboard. He saw many boxes by the sides of certain buildings, which had men sleeping inside of them. He left these boxes alone. He walked through the less frequented streets of the southern part of the town, where there were more trees. He went to the garbage area of a store he saw and asked an employee if there were any boxes he could have. There were and the employee showed them to Mr. Potato Head. The boxes that were already flattened he inserted into his butt. His insides became filled of carton and he walked back to his home holding two boxes in his hands.
Even though his insides could hold much matter, he knew they couldn’t hold everything he had acquired since he had left rehab a few years before, everything while living with Mrs. Potato Head, everything while living alone in the small university town since they had separated. It was too much history for him to be able to hold all inside him at one moment.
He packed these cardboard boxes with the things of his that were in the apartment he was living in. He had books. He had drug paraphernalia. He had magazines with poetry he had submitted. He had shirts of bands formed by other potato heads he had met by being part of the punk rock scene, playing shows with the Vegetables.
The next day he went back to the library. He looked through the website, Craigslist, for someone to help him with the truck and gas expenses that would be required for him to move to the northeast.
He made a post. It said:
“Hi. I’m a potato head looking to get out of town soon. I rented a 10 by 10 foot truck. I don’t have much stuff but I have a pet ferret. His name is Fatboy McPopcorn or Popcorn for short. He’s Irish.
If you got some stuff and want a ride up north on the way and are willing to help with gas, email me.
Thank you and have a nice day!”
On the bottom of the post he had uploaded a photo he had taken with his cell phone camera. It was of his reflection in his bathroom mirror. In it he points the cell phone’s lens at the mirror with his right hand and with his left he points forward. His left arm is his birthday arm, blue and of a zigzag structure. He wears a pair of ears with black stud piercings in them. He wears his father’s, Pastor Father Potato Head’s, top hap, glorious.
He received two replies. He met one of the people who had replied to his post in person.
The person he met was a college student from Tunisia. They met at a computer lab inside the university campus. The student was skinny, of average height, light skinned, and had long curly hair. He wore sandals, blue cargo shorts, and a shirt with the university’s insignia. Mr. Potato Head was immediately disappointed but he did not change any of his parts to ensure that his feelings were not portrayed.
The student was sitting on a plastic chair in front of a computer.
Mr. Potato Head said, “Hi,” when he was facing the student.
The student smiled and shook Mr. Potato Head’s hand. Mr. Potato Head’s fingers were much smaller than the students.
Mr. Potato Head said, “I’m moving up north.”
The student said, “I want to go up there. I have friends there. I want to visit them.”
Mr. Potato Head said, “I could take you.”
The student said, “Yes.” He moved the computer’s mouse around and clicked it. He looked at the computer screen. He said, “I can help you move stuff.”
Mr. Potato Head said, “I don’t have a place to live yet. I need help with gas expenses.”
The student remained quiet. He smiled.
Mr. Potato Head said, “Help moving stuff is not the type of help I asked for in my post. Do you only want to help me move, and that’s it?”
The student said, “Yes.”
Mr. Potato Head said, “I don’t need that kind of help.”
Mr. Potato Head left the computer lab.
The other person who replied to his internet post, he only communicated with via email. The other person was a woman. She wanted to leave her husband while he was at work. She said he was very controlling, not violent, but that she wanted to be able to take all of her stuff when she left him. She said she’d pay Mr. Potato Head money upfront so that he’d take her stuff up north. She said that’d she’d meet with him up in the north. She wanted to take a dining table, some bedroom furniture, and birdcages.
Mr. Potato Head emailed the woman trying to leave her husband while he was at work that the situation seemed “shady” and he was “uncomfortable” and that if she really wanted to leave “so badly” then she should “just leave.”
He signed off: “Good luck!”
One day during this process of preparing to move, Mama Potato Head called Mr. Potato Head from the Caribbean. He told her about how he was having trouble figuring out how to afford the gas expenses for the trip. He had saved enough cash inside of his butt to afford the truck rental. He told her about his internet posting and its two replies. They ended that conversation. The next day she called him again and told him that she had spoken to her sister potato heads about “the crazy woman trying to leave her husband.” Mr. Potato Head’s three aunt potato heads and Mama Potato Head had all collected money and would mail him a check. He’d be able to go alone with Popcorn.
Feeling that everything was set for his trip, Mr. Potato Head tried to relax. At home, he watched a DVD he had borrowed from the public library. From within himself, low, low, under where his bellybutton was, he felt it lying on the bottom of his shell and vibrating. It tickled him. It was his cell phone. He took it out from his butt. It was Nolan, one of carrot tops that formed the band Harmes. They were of orange skin tone, with red hair in the shape of the broccoli flower. The other member was his wife, Elise. They were from the same city to the south as the Dicers. The Vegetables had gone on tour with the Dicers earlier in the year. The Vegetables had played some shows with Harmes when they had played with the Dicers in the city.
Nolan and Elise loved the Vegetables and had a specific attraction to Mr. Potato Head out of all the other members of the band. The first time they had met, Nolan told Mr. Potato Head to follow him into the bathroom of the bar, and there had provided Mr. Potato Head with some cocaine to snort. Mr. Potato Head had sung with a lot more intensity. Then, Mr. Potato Head and Nolan began to do water soluble opiate pills together. Then, it was at Nolan and Elise’s house that Mr. Potato Head stayed at when the Vegetables played in the city to the south.
Nolan was calling Mr. Potato Head. Mr. Potato Head pressed the button on his cell phone so that he could listen to Nolan’s voice through it. Nolan was being driven around the city by Elise. They were going to people’s houses and selling them drugs. Nolan talked to Mr. Potato Head about having heard of the Vegetables’ band-breakup. He talked to him about having listened to a leak of their upcoming album that was supposed to be put out by two separate indie labels working together. He talked about that record possibly being the best punk record of the year. “Maybe the decade?” he said.
He talked to Mr. Potato Head about the upcoming sadness of his that would arrive when he thought of Mr. Potato Head no longer living in the same state. He talked to him about wanting Mr. Potato Head to spend his final weekend in the state with them, Nolan and Elise.
Nolan talked to Mr. Potato Head about possibly having this weekend occur where they lived, in the city. Mr. Potato Head told him that he couldn’t because he needed to save his money for his moving expenses.
Nolan talked to him about doing it at the small university town, and that they could crash at Mr. Potato Head’s place.
Nolan talked about Mr. Potato Head inviting more friends, and Mr. Potato Head said, “Yeah!”
The time between that conversation and Mr. Potato Head’s actual final weekend in the small university town passed quickly. Mr. Potato Head hadn’t really sensed it passing somehow. He had watched movies from the public library, smoked weed, drunken coffee, helped two immigrants learning English and practicing for their citizenship exams, translated poems written by a 1970’s Caribbean poet into English. He listened to the demo version of what would be the Vegetable’s final record a lot.
To Mr. Potato Head’s surprise, on his final night in the small university town, what he felt were many of his close friends from the town were there. Scum of the Earth, the do-it-yourself hip-hop band, was there. Spud and Chips were there. A language student named Juan was there. Others were there too. They listened to punk rock and hip hop records. They had a barbeque and ate food. There were hot dogs and veggie dogs, hamburgers and veggie burgers, plantains, hummus, sweet bread. They smoked marijuana cigarettes, drank beer.
Nolan had brought different types of pills and cocaine from the city. He gave Mr. Potato Head some water soluble opiates.
Mr. Potato Head went into his bedroom. Everyone else was hanging out.
He put a pill into a spoon, and used another spoon, placed in a congruent manner, where it was fitting into the other, and pressed it while twisting it into the bottom spoon, causing the pill to be pulverized. What was left was a small island of blue powder in a metallic sea of the spoon’s sinking curve.
He took out a syringe from his butt. He had a cup of water already set on his dresser. He took water from the cup with the syringe. He used the syringe to put water into the spoon’s dip, and the blue powder became a mass with the water. He disassembled the syringe and used its parts to mix the powder into the water. He took out a cotton swab from his butt. He took off a smaller piece of cotton from the swab and rolled it into a small ball. He put that small piece of cotton into the blue water. He pulled up the blue water into the syringe by placing the needle into the small piece of blue cotton.
After getting all the blue water into the syringe, the spoon looked like a blue desert surrounding a pale blue coral reef, the piece of cotton left at its center. Mr. Potato Head injected all the blue water in the syringe into one of the veins of his thin rubber arms. He was happy.
Then Mr. Potato Head went back out into the living room to joke and laugh with his friends on his final night in the small university town.
The night passed by and it was one AM. Mr. Potato Head wanted more drugs so that he could feel very motivated while driving with Popcorn towards a destination far from them. While hanging out they had used up most of the drugs Nolan had brought with him. Nolan said they could drive south to the city and get some more. Mr. Potato Head said he was down to drive south in search of drugs. Spud and Chip wanted to come.
Scum of the Earth gave hugs and said bye. Juan gave hugs and said bye. The others there gave hugs and said bye.
Elise, Nolan, Spud, Chip, and Mr. Potato Head all helped in putting all the remaining stuff which belonged to Mr. Potato Head in the house they were hanging out in into the back of the truck he had rented. He closed the door of the truck’s storage space.
Chips sat in the passenger seat. Spud was sitting on Popcorn’s cage, but it got dented, so then he sat it on his lap, while he sat in the space between the driver’s and passenger’s seats. Mr. Potato Head drove. He was still slightly high.
They drove south from the small university town for two hours, listening to music on Chips’ portable tape player. They listened to Old Dirty Bastard and to the Ramones.
At the city, they first arrived to an after-hours house party, and there they all snorted cocaine and drank vodka. Mr. Potato Head bought more water soluble synthetic opiates and some cocaine. He wanted to speedball himself all the way up north to where Holiday was. More drugs would make the trip not seem so exhaustive.
Then they went to Nolan and Elise’s house around four AM, and they rested. Spud had to be back in the small university town by ten AM because he had a work-shift. They’d have to be on their way back by at least seven-thirty AM.
Mr. Potato Head woke up at five-thirty AM and went into the bathroom. In his spoon he crushed two water soluble opiate pills and mixed the resulting powder with water. He pulled up the blue water with his syringe. He then cleaned out the spoon. In the clean spoon, he then threw in cocaine. He used the syringe to put back the blue water into the spoon. He stirred the cocaine in the blue water until it dissolved. He put in another small ball of cotton into the blue water and pulled up the water into the syringe. He injected the blue water into one of the veins of his thin rubber arms. Mr. Potato Head felt zen-like.
He went to where Spud was sleeping. He woke him up. He told him he would miss him and that he loved him. He gave Spud a kiss on the cheek. Then he went to where Chip was sleeping and woke him up. He told him that he loved him and that he would miss him. He gave him a kiss on the cheek.
Then he stood up and said, “We got to go. Spud works soon.”
They didn’t wake up Nolan or Elise. Mr. Potato Head took Popcorn in his cage back out into the truck’s driver’s space. They all got in the truck and an hour and a half later Mr. Potato Head dropped off Spud and Chip at the little farm outside of town they were living at. He then set off towards the northeast while reading the directions towards the postindustrial city where he had been born. There he’d be staying at an old friend of the family’s.
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